I’m learning that it takes a certain level of femininity to allow a man to be masculine
Feminine beauty is nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t need to be hard, controlling or dominating.
I still feel a certain level of guilt about the fact that my ex always stepped up to the plate and I still found ways to emasculate him…
But I need to let go of that guilt, like my mother, I carry it around like a bag of bricks and it won’t help me grow.
It won’t help me to forgive myself.
I’m not just going to open up to people automatically. I hold people to a really high standard and I’d rather be the one doing the hurting than the one who is hurt.
But that carries a level of guilt with it too. What a catch 22. Ha!
These are things I want for myself though, to be feminine, inviting, soft, to allow people to rest in my presence. To be as light as I once was.
Maybe I don’t want to go back, I just want to be better.